Friday, September 13, 2013

All quiet on the North-Western front (and an invitation)




I know, I know: it’s been all quiet on the North-Western front! And it’s not really surprising. I just haven’t been feeling myself.

A dear friend, who is has also just come through her first trimester of pregnancy, described her relief at a gorgeous fresh burst of energy, no longer feeling that her body was “on loan”. Unfortunately, my poor old body hasn’t quite cottoned on in the same way.

I really can’t complain. I mean, my symptoms have been nowhere near as extreme and frightening as those experienced by other women (anyone following poor Leonie Dawson’s story? Oy!). Also, there is the persistent and reassuring knowledge that I absolutely want to be here – and I’ve wanted it for such a long time – and I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.

And, of course, it will pass.

Soon, I hope.

I’m a bit over operating at fifty per cent. I’m so used to setting myself tasks and goals and just getting on and doing them. Some nights, I have no choice but to retreat to bed at 6pm, defeated by nausea and fatigue. If I manage to wash of my make-up and brush my teeth, it feels like a signal victory. I’m also finding unnerving/frustrating the pervasive lack of enthusiasm for the things that usually bring me a lot of joy i.e. writing, blogging, tweeting, taking photos, artmaking, crafting, cooking, pottering.

But there’s not a lot I can do but go with it, so here we are.

One of the things that I must say has been inspiring me of late has been the kindred spirits still sharing the insights gifted them by August Moon. This feels like a gentle nudge to revisit the prompts and share my own responses. During the actual blog challenge, I was so busy tending to the business of hosting (which is how it should be!) that I did not have the chance to settle in to the prompts themselves and create a space for answers to arrive.

It also didn’t feel like the right timing for me. On the night of the blue moon itself, I was struggling with unwellness and, once I did haul myself out of bed and out the front door to gaze at the moon, found it too foggy to see anything. As I lay in bed, disappointedly breathing through the overwhelm, all I could wish for was a successful first trimester and a healthy baby.

Now that I know my wish has been granted (as far as any of us can know these things for certain), I feel like the time has come to really sink in to where I am and start feeling my way to where I would like to be.

I’m still fumbling my way through the constant nausea and fatigue but every now and again, I get this little whisper of gorgeous clean energy that tides me through a tiny burst of activity. And that’s where I am right now… riding that wave, while it lasts.

And long(er) may it last!

So, over the next few days, I will be posting my responses to the August Moon prompts. If you didn’t get the chance to participate late last month, you are most welcome to join me now.

Thank you, as always, for witnessing me here. And for sharing something of yourselves, if you feel so called.


3 comments:

  1. It is good that you are being honest with yourself and the limits your condition enforces on your routine. Good in that the truth of the situation has caused you to reflect and respond by slowing down a bit. I just saw a Twitter quote that fits... When you let humility guide you, the ego becomes jobless, it has nothing to do but go back to sleep.
    Hang in there!

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  2. Oh my friend...I don't hope that this part rushes, but I do hope the symptoms ease. It's been quite a while since I was where you are. It's still a marvel to me how differently each of my pregnancies affected me. I wasn't one of those that "glowed" or "radiated a peacefulness." I was running back and forth to the bathroom, and still can't eat pea soup, thanks to a co-worker. Just take care of yourself...physically and spiritually. Sending love and soothing thoughts!

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