Saturday, September 14, 2013

My intentions




On Day 1 of August Moon, Meredith wrote: How have you treated yourself this year? Have you kept your intentions?

Intentions. Hmmm. I can’t think about intentions without thinking about my word for the year: ease. My intention this year was so give myself some space so that I could create important things of beauty, things that would change my life (and, possibly, other people’s). Namely: a novel and a baby.

It turns out, both of these things required ease in their own way, in order to be conceived.

My novel required me to: take time out from my day job; cultivate a feasible writing routine; push past the inner critic; stay focused; and muster the courage to share my work with carefully chosen readers. Most importantly, it required me to show up, day after day, and just do the work.

Where was the ease in this case? It was in having faith in to the knowledge that I had done it before and could do it again, and that I had something of value. It was in “working with what was working” and following my instincts and inclinations, rather than try and do what I thought I “should”. It was about doing it my way.

I have written about all that it took to conceive a child elsewhere. For over two years, we tried everything we could to invite this baby into being. Much of the time, it felt like hard work, physically and emotionally. There were moments of reassurance but little ease to be found… until we went on an extended family holiday and decided not to think about it for a change. Which is exactly when it all came together.

Through both of these experiences, I realize that I rode myself pretty hard this year. I realized that ease does not mean easy. I saw how cultivating ease, like anything worthwhile, requires constant practice.

I’m thinking of doing something revolutionary and not choosing a word in 2014. (How would that be?)

August Moon: it's never too late to dive in!


2 comments:

  1. "Ease does not mean easy" I hear ya! As for not choosing a word I think that could work out fabulously! I decided I'm choosing a word for forever. Love.
    Sending lots to you Kat xx

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  2. I love your idea to NOT choose a word for next year! That is a radical thought and I might have to join you =-)

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