Friday, October 3, 2014

Leather pants and other fears

Oh man! I almost can't believe I asked this question.

What tends to trip you up? What is your kryptonite? Ask yourself in the most compassionate of ways.

Isn't that what this blog is all about? My stumblings, my anxieties, my shortcomings. (And all first world problems, to boot.) I sometimes feel like that's all I write about!

But if I'm going to be a little more compassionate -- and constructive -- about it, I'd also say that this space is about my learnings. And processing here (with kind souls like you, dear reader, who bear with me as I work my way through) is one of the most powerful tools I have.

And one of the beautiful things about doing this is that someone will read what I've written and see themselves in my words and let out a huge exhale, allowing something to shift. As Alex Franzen so eloquently says, even if your words help one person, that's a pretty big deal.

But today's August Moon prompt called me to put on my big girl lederhosen* and own all the ways I feel less than.

What if these things were not detractions or blocks, just neutral facts about your preferred approach? What if it were just a matter of finding resources or people whose skills and interests complemented yours, so that the things you have listed would no longer hold you back?

Who might be able to work with you to help you work this to your advantage?

As far as my writing goes, I have the usual fears that I am not talented enough, that everything I want to say has already been said (and better) by other people, that I am on the brink of exposure as a fraud or a fool, that my writing (and I) will never amount to anything.

As far as my vocation goes, I have the usual fears that I have no idea what it means to be entrepreneurial, am a bit of a loser when it comes to web techie stuff, am clueless with spreadsheets (and also with money), that I am not working to any sort of plan.

As far as my relationships go, I have the usual fears that I do not give enough, that I am not patient enough, that I am judgemental, shallow and self-centred. I also eat way too much sugar and processed crap and do not exercise enough or meditate ever.

In other words, I have the usual fears that probably all humans have precisely because I am human.

Thankfully, I have a therapist for that. As well as a beautiful husband, loving family, gorgeous friends and a lot of other kind and helpful people in my orbit. I'm also fortunate enough to have access to literally lifetimes of wisdom: in books, via programs, through friends, from expert professionals.

This business of being human tends to make me feel like I have to do it on my own, even though I am already stretched and only really want to play to my strengths.

So I guess that's why I wrote this prompt: to remind me that when I stumble, I can always fall into the arms of someone who would be happy to help. The universe is pretty nice like that, actually.

* Yeah, yeah, I know. I am neither a man nor Bavarian. I just really like the word, OK?

This post is my response to Day Seven of the August Moon reflective writing challenge. You are most welcome to share your own response to the prompt in the comments below. 

Otherwise, the next opportunity to connect is Reverb in December. Join us?

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