Thursday, December 31, 2015

No word



I am not going to choose a word for the year in 2016.

(I'm pretty sure I said that at the end of last year too! But then alchemy came and found me, hard on the heels of my Desire Map research.)

I'm open, sure. But I'm just not looking for anything else. (Anyway, alchemy feels like a word for life.)

Now that new year's eve is here, I am not even sure I have the enthusiasm for the Unravelling the Year Ahead workbook I've done this time every year for the past few years. To be honest, I think I'll get more out of tidying out my wardrobe while sipping champagne.

It's not that I don't believe these things work. I do, I'm living proof.

I think I am just over the work.

I'm DONE.

I don't want to improve my life, understand myself more deeply, manifest something new. I don't have a single lofty goal left in me.

I have every respect for folk who do have the energy for this and I trust completely that it will serve them well. It's just not for me any more.

I can't even bring myself to buy the cute and sparkly thing that will signal my intentions to the universe or sign up for the cute and sparkly thing that will take my dreams to the next level. I've been there, done that. It was gorgeous and I don't regret anything and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

And, strangely enough, I don't feel jaded.

It just feel... free... to love what is.

My life is going to continue pretty much as usual in 2016. I have a month of school holidays to enjoy, then we'll all step back on the treadmill in late January. We've put in our planning application to renovate and, all going well, will need to move out of our home in the middle of the year so the repairs, demolition and building can begin.

I've given up my writing studio and am taking an extended break from my manuscript. I will no longer be blogging, as you know. I'm not even seeking regular babysitting to free me up to pursue new projects. I won't have a day job and my budget for fripperies will be... nil.

Sure, there are a couple of things I'd really like to achieve in 2016.

I'm planning to hold a book sale in my front yard in late January, as part of a larger decluttering project. I find the idea of moving house daunting in the extreme but hope to use it as motivation to downsize.

I really want to learn how to do my hair in a victory roll. I want to keep tapping as a form of mindfulness and stress relief: I started recently and it's been brilliant. I suspect a lot more cocktails will be on the agenda. My husband gave me a gift of a breakfast tray for Christmas and I hope that I can find a volunteer to knit me the bed jacket pictured above so I can enjoy longer, lazier mornings with good coffee and a good book. And waffles.

I'm keen to send more snail mail. I am so very extremely keen to finish the crochet blanket I started four years  ago (!!!) for my best friend's housewarming gift. And there's a kielbasa and white bean stew that I can't wait to try in my slow cooker this Winter. I really miss swimming and my osteopath reminded me that it works wonders for my back.

That already feels like a really full agenda and yet it's the least ambitious I've ever been.

I'm grateful that I have twelve months -- and more -- to let it all happen.

But I'm even prouder that I am in a place where I can let it be enough.

P.S. I can't help but pray there's a Shinola Gomelsky Moon Phase watch in my future somewhere. But, until then... I've live.


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